Week 11:The cold hard truth

When trying to be the healthiest person that you can be and get all svelte we all have to face some cold hard truths.

Truth one: There is no beer that is compatible with weight loss. Sure, there are "light" beers. They taste like water mixed with a dash of urine. They are super easy to drink so you end up having four instead of two.  A good craft beer that is worth drinking is packed with calories.  At least we can take solace in the fact that a glass of red wine is heart healthy. It is not light on calories, but at least it has some health benefits.

Truth two: Wonderful, glorious, delicious bread is not that great for you. Sadly, this includes the whole bread family: corn bread, biscuits, bagels, rolls, croissants, pitas, anything that is doughy and delicious. White bread is useless. Whole grain is better in moderation. One piece won't kill you. Diving in headfirst to a bread basket will mess up your whole week.

Truth three: Abs are made in the kitchen. This is a favorite saying of my trainer friend Jason. I think it is a total bummer. Apparently you can go as hard as you want at the gym, but if you don't lay off the real butter and cake you are never gonna be svelte and healthy.

Truth four: Guys lose weight faster than women. WTF. This is unfair. I have heard ladies around the world lament this very fact. A girl can work her butt off at the gym to lose the same weight that a guy drops just by quitting drinking soda.

This is why it is extra exciting that we have two ladies in the hunt for first place in our family weight loss competition. Annie and Gabby have both been in first place for at least one week. They are with in a couple of decimal points with the boys. It is a real possibility that the ladies may take this thing.

Our top five have become an impressive lot. Trading places weekly and staying with in a few hundreths of a percent of total weight loss.

It is not all men. It is not all women. It is not the youngest in the group. It is a wide range.

On any given week you can find Gabby in the top five. She has hitting the gym hard, but she got a job. Now she burns calories by standing all day. She also uses her desire to beat Evan Peterson as motivation. I think that desire to win helps burn additional calories. Gabby has also changed her eating habits.

You will also find Annie. She had a baby seven months ago and is working to lose the baby weight. She is well on her way. Having an infant doesn't allow a lot of time for work out (or for peeing by yourself for that matter). Annie is making sure that she is cooking healthy meals and using the stairs at work.

As I mentioned in my last post you will find Evan in the top five. Last night at nearly midnight this man made me show him an ab work out. He can almost taste the victory. He refuses to let it slip away from him.

Another frequent top fiver is Dave. He and Evan have upped their competition quota by adding in at least two racquetball games a week. Dave invited Evan and I to play two weeks ago and there has been nonstop racquetball trash talk ever since. Dave also plays a weekly game with another friend. He has also been hitting the gym and making healthy food choices.

Even skinny vegan boy has gotten in on the racquetball games.

The last person who makes up the top five is either Jeremy Carroll or Mark Guckin.

Mark is the oldest member of the competition. He has consistently lost weight. He has cut portions, is making healthier choices and is using the elliptical.


Jeremy Carroll is pretty much a beast. He is teaching karate again. He is very health conscious and he doesn't like to lose.





There are several of us that are just short of that top five each week. Don't get to comfy guys. We are coming for you.



This weeks dinner was cooked by Dave. It was corned beef and cabbage. It was delicious. It probably wasn't all the great for us and may have been part of a ploy by Dave to take out the competition. It was so damn good I don't even care.

Week 10: The dark horse.

Ladies and gentlemen, this race has a dark horse.

It is a horse who needed to be poked, prodded and cajoled to even join the race. He was a late addition to the race. He wasn't the horse I would have put my money on.

During week one this horse ate ice cream while all the rest of the horses choked down there hay.

Then, all of the sudden, the horse took off running. Now in the middle of the race the horse is in first place.

Which horse is number one?  The one that I am married to!

Okay, enough with the horse analogy. It is getting weird.

Back to who is number one. As I mentioned, it is my husband, Evan. This guy, the one who swore up and down that he wasn't going to be a part of this. The one who was not interested in participating in a family initiative to get healthier. The man who thought that an appropriate dinner was a bag of Doritios. The gentleman who, when asked where he wanted to dine that evening, routinely answered "Taco Bell". The guy who skipped breakfast, ate a lunch of chips and washed it down with about thirty cups of coffee, each with copious amounts of sugar. The man who hoarded candy and coffee cakes in a drawer on his side of the bed. The one and same person who thought that a Cesar Salad with full croutons and dressing was a healthy option. The man who was horrified when I suggested that he switch from who whole milk to 1%.

The same man described above has now lost over 10% of his original body weight. He cut all the sugar out of his morning coffee. He quit drinking soda. He made the switch to low fat milk. He is going for almost daily power walks. He has started to incorporate other types of exercise. He is counting calories and kicking ass. I alternate between being incredibly proud and wanting to kick him in the shin.

He also cooked our family dinner this week. It is okay ladies, I know you are jealous.

He made a low fat version of Chicken and Eggplant Parm complete with Spaghetti Squash noodles. It was a fan favorite.

Here is the recipe directly from the horse, err umm Husbands mouth.

Chicken & Eggplant Parm

Boneless Chicken Breast, butterflied, cut into smaller portions, and pounded (8 pounds) It feeds 20.

Bread crumbs to cover the top of the chicken once placed on the baking sheet (one large can)

Low Sodium Crushed Tomatoes (see the brand - it's in the pantry), seasoned to taste. (4 pounds total)

I used a food processor on half a red onion and garlic to brown in the pan before adding the tomatoes, black pepper & red pepper.

Skim Mozz

2 large Eggplants, cut into 1/4" thick Circles

2 spaghetti squash

40 ounces, radishes.

 

Cut radishes into quarters, toss in olive oil, sea salt and pepper to taste.  Bake at 400F for 45-minutes to an hour.

 

Cut the spaghetti squash in half length wise, and Bake for 30 minutes at 400F (45 at 350), then use a fork to remove the insides (will look like pasta).  toss the squash pieces with a little olive oil to keep it from sticking.  Set aside.

 

Place the chicken / eggplant on baking sheets, cover the top in bread crumbs, and cook at 400F for 10 minutes (15ish for the chicken, depending on the thickness), remove, add sauce to the tops, sprinkle with cheese and place back until the cheese is melted (about 5 minutes).

 

The vegan option was the Eggplant Parm without the breadcrumbs and Cheese, however, vegan cheese is available.

 

Week 9: Wonder Woman thinks that running sucks too.

This week was a much better week for me (3 lbs). I got back into the swing of going to the gym.

I have finished the second week of Couch to 5k and moved on to the third week. So, I have officially made it two and a half weeks longer in the program than the times I tried in the past.  I have started scouring Pinterest and Etsy for outfits to wear when I run my first half marathon. Thus far I am torn between a Wonder Woman tutu outfit and a t-shirt that says "running sucks". I feel like these two choices in running attire fairly portray my complex feelings about running.

After smoking for 15 years every time I manage to run for more than thirty seconds, I feel like Wonder Woman. When I manage to run outside or on a treadmill without falling flat on my face, I feel like Wonder Woman. Every time I complete a new leg of the Couch to 5k program without embarrassing myself by vomiting all over the treadmill, I feel like Wonder Woman. When I decide to go running instead of watching a movie, or taking a nap, or eating ice cream, or going out with my sister, or pretty much anything, I feel like Wonder Woman. With all these Wonder Woman like feelings I think that I deserve a Wonder Woman tutu. When I finally manage to run 3.2 miles or 13.1 miles I will feel like Wonder Woman and I will damn sure deserve a tutu.

Have I mentioned that I love both Wonder Woman and tutus. You know what I don't love? Running.

Sorry in advance to all the hardcore runners that think running is better than sex, chocolate and sunshine all rolled into one. I have to disagree. In fact, truth be told. I think that running sucks.

Every time I am so hot that I am pretty sure that my brain is about to fry like an egg, I think that running sucks. When my shins ache, my calves burn and sweat is rolling into my eyes I know that running sucks. When all the muscles in the lower half of my body are tight and achy I am certain that running sucks. When I check the time and find out that I have only been running for two minutes, even though it feels like at least fifteen, I am positive that running sucks. When I can't breath and my lungs feel like they are going to explode, I think about how running sucks. When I realize that I am balling my fists, tightening my shoulders and clenching my jaw and if I can't figure out how to maintain a decent form than I will never be able to run a 5K, let alone a half marathon, I am without a doubt, certain that running sucks.

When I finish running and step off the treadmill or slow down to a walk for a minute - I feel like Wonder Woman again. In those moments I love running. I think that it is great. I am glad that I did it. I feel like a bad ass runner.

It is possible that I am both a sadist and a masochist when it comes to running. I love to hate running. I love to make myself sore. I have come to enjoy the smell of Bengay.

 Even though more than half of the time I loathe running. I have chosen to become a runner. I am working hard to convince my body and my mind that running is something that is good for us and even possibly enjoyable.

When I run that half marathon in a wonder woman tutu and a red and blue t-shirt that says running sucks. I will be sure to post pictures.

Enough about me, let's talk about some folks who are kicking ass. My family! Collectively we have lost more than 100 lbs. The top four are in almost a dead heat. We have two girls and two boys in the top four. The girls are not letting the boys run away with this thing.

Dinner this week was at Susie and Marks house.

Susie made a healthy lasagna from Cooking Well. Here is the recipe.

• 1 cup part-skim ricotta cheese
• 1/4 cup fresh flat-leaf parsley, divided
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh oregano
• 1 teaspoon chopped fresh thyme
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 6 ounces shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese, divided (about 1 1/2 cups)
• 1 ounce fresh Parmesan cheese, grated and divided (about 1/4 cup)
• 1 egg, lightly beaten
• 1/4 cup torn fresh basil
• 1/8 teaspoon ground red pepper
• 4 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 (24-ounce) jar lower-sodium pasta sauce
• 9 cooked lasagna noodles
• Cooking spray

Our vegan option was a vegetable curry. Here is the recipe.

• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• Cooking spray
• 1 cup chopped yellow onion
• 1 cup chopped red bell pepper
• 1/4 cup chopped green onions
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme
• 1 1/2 teaspoons curry powder
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 cups organic vegetable broth (such as Swanson Certified Organic), divided
• 1 1/3 cups (1/4-inch-thick) slices carrot
• 1 habanero pepper
• 3 cups cubed peeled calabaza or hubbard squash (about 1 pound)
• 1 1/2 cups chopped plum tomato
• 2 medium zucchini, halved lengthwise and sliced (about 3 cups)

Week 8: Finding balance

My most flattering picture.

After two weeks of being off the band wagon it was not so easy to get back into the swing of things. As evidenced by this picture, things are off to a questionable start. 

I am trying to find a balance. I want to be a healthier person - but I don't want to be an absolute nut. I want to be somewhere in the middle. So far, I am not having much luck. Apparently, I only have two modes: Off and Bat-Shit Crazy. 

When I am in Off mode I let my brain convince me that I really don't want to go to the gym. I want to stay home where it is warm and read a book, or take a bath, or watch t.v. or eat a whole bowl of cookie dough. Off mode makes me think that this is to much work. I am fine just the way I am. I don't need to make a change. Off mode me likes to go out to dinner with friends and laugh and drink and have dessert. Off mode me loves dessert. Off mode me gained back 3 of the pounds that Bat-Shit Crazy me worked really hard to lose. She isn't sorry. 

Bat-Shit Crazy me goes to the gym at least 5 times a week. Sometimes she goes twice a day. She is planning on cutting out all sugar. She reads about running and healthy living.  She does multiple styles of workout. She knows yoga, weightlifting, running, biking and elliptical. She doesn't bother to put on real clothes. It's all sports bras and workout pants. She judges you when you don't make it to the gym. She doubts your dedication. She DOES NOT have dessert. She counts calories. Probably yours and hers. She cut our diet soda and tells you it is poison. She isn't a lot of fun. She is SERIOUS. Bat-Shit Crazy me loses about 1.5 -2 lbs a week. It frustrates her - even though all the health magazines say that is normal and healthy. If she gets her hands on Off mode me she is gonna kick her ass for gaining back those three pounds. 

"Paging balanced Bobbye, If balanced Bobbye is in the building can you please come to the front." 

I would like to hope that balanced Bobbye is in there somewhere. I imagine once I find her she will be sane and make good choices. She will stick with no soda but occasionally have dessert. Probably a healthier version. She will go to the gym - but she won't obsess. She will push herself - but she won't judge herself to harshly. She won't give up. She will count calories - but she won't sweat it if she is over by 100 every once and awhile. 

I think that everyone in our family program is struggling with balance. The majority of us have had a rough couple of weeks. 

Annie, Mark and Dave are the only ones that have had stellar weeks. Watch out guys - I am jumping back on the wagon. Hopefully a more sane, balanced wagon. 

This weeks dinner was at Cady and Erinn's house. We had make your own healthy pizza and vegan pad thai.

As a family we have lost 96 lbs. Even with a couple of slow weeks are kicking butt. 

Weeks 6 & 7: Snowflakes and Vaginas.

These have not been the easiest weeks in the journey of my warrior like family to svelte bikini ready bods. Why you might ask? Well, Snowflakes and Vaginas of course.

Week 6: Snowflakes and Cupcakes. We had a snow storm that buried us under more than 32 inches of snow. Yep, you read that right - more then three feet. No one wants to eat carrot sticks and hummus when you are waist deep in a frozen white (hell) wonderland. You want hot coco, beef stew and anything else that will stick to your ribs and help create a layer of blubber to act as insulation when you get buried alive in an avalanche of the roof of your house. You need all the blubber that you can get so that have any hope of survival when you are finally unearthed come Spring. You need those fat stores damnit!

We attempted to have a family dinner weigh in on Sunday, but most of the participants were busy trying to dig themselves and their homes out from under mounds and mounds of snow.

Dave cooked dinner for those of us that could walk or wade over to Erinn and Cady's. He made mashed cauliflower and turkey meatloaf. It was delicious and warm and a great way to spend an evening after spending two day, 8-10 hours a day, shoveling our driveway, porch, cars, roof and yard.

In addition to conditions being ripe for eating anything that looks like it will paste itself directly to my butt - The YMCA has been closed for three and a half days. No gym. No running. No gym dancing.

Our schools were closed for the entire week post storm. That's another thing that makes it difficult to keep with the routine. Who wants to wade out into waist deep snow to go to the gym when there is an adorable small person who wants to cuddle on the couch and watch movies whilst sharing a bag of chips.

Week six was not my finest week in my get healthy journey. Week seven wasn't shaping up to be any better.

Week 7: Vagina, Vagina, Vagina: This year as part of the V Day campaign I organized and directed a benefit production of Eve Ensler's Vagina monologues. I believe in the V day project. It is good for my soul. It is not good for my diet. This week was tech week for the show. For those of you who aren't familiar with a tech week or "hell week" it is a week chock full of rehearsals, running around and solving problems. Rarely does the problem "did I eat today?" rise to the top of the pile. In order to survive you shove whatever you can find down your throat and keep on trucking. One night I had pizza for dinner, one night I had a muffin. I broke all my rules and even had a diet soda. It was bedlam I tell you!

After all the hard work comes the celebration! In my neck of the woods we celebrate with food and libations. The grown folks kind. On Thursday night I celebrated with margaritas. On Friday with Lavender martinis (classy right). After I was done celebrating a successful show I celebrated my family with dinner at Dave and Busters complete with Angry Orchard Hard Cider. You might think I was done celebrating - but I was not. I celebrated on! On Sunday I celebrated with some good friends. We celebrated Tate and Missy having a baby. Tate and I celebrated with bourbon and lemonade. I am all celebrated out.

I also gained back two of the twelve pounds that I have lost. You know what. It was worth every damn ounce. My mom asked me during our weigh in "Did you have two pounds of fun?" I sure did.

So each week can't be two pounds of fun. I also know that I can have fun sans alcohol and fatty foods. This week it didn't happen. Next week is going to be better.

Here's to jumping back on the healthy lifestyle bandwagon.

For information on the V day campaign you can visit www.vday.org

Week Five: The Super Bowl. Also known as the game they play so we all have an excise to get together and deep fry anything that isn't nailed down and then enjoy it smothered in ranch dressing.

As you may have heard the Super Bowl was this last Sunday. If you aren't familiar with the Super Bowl it is a football game that is played each year so that we have an excuse to get together and eat all sorts of food that is terrible for you, has very little nutritional value, but tastes like heaven. I am serious. Fried food nirvana. It is a time for chicken wings, chili, fried buffalo chicken wontons, chips and salsa, pigs in a blanket, sliders, pulled pork and anything else your little heart can imagine. If you are looking for a healthy option - maybe you would find a sad veggie tray buried on the back of the table just waiting for the moment when everything else was gone and folks were still hungry. The very same veggie tray that probably had ranch dipping sauce that almost negated the healthiness of the veggies.

You can't go to a Super Bowl party like that when you have turned over a new leaf to a healthy life style and a better you. You certainly can't go to a party like that if you are trying to beat the pants off of your family in a healthier living competition with $260 dollars on the line. A party like that could be dangerous.

Even if you managed to dodge all the food bullets that would be flying at you there would still be beer. Rich, hoppy, wonderful, full of empty calorie beer.

Superbowl parties can be a dangerous place.

Usually our Super Bowl party is a lot like the ones described above. A three hour festival of dips and sauces topped off with some great craft beer and a fair offering of Miller High Life. This year we decided that the party needed to have some healthier options.

All things considered I think we did a pretty good job. We had spicy black bean hummus, homemade guacamole, sweet potato and black bean chili, creamy tex mex bean dip with baked tortilla chips my mama made, an awesome salad with chic peas and cranberries and a veggie tray.

I was afraid our party was gonna be a bummer. My concern was that no one was gonna wanna come eat healthier options when the world of fried deliciousness was open. You know what? It was awesome. The food was delicious and people had fun. We did still have a fair amount of craft beer and High Life. Everything in moderation right.

I made it to the gym pre-festivites for a last chance work out. The Y got a rowing machine. I have decided it was made by Satan himself to torture me and my poor muscles. That being said I felt very accomplished after fifteen hundred virtual meters rowed. Accomplished and sweaty.

This week was a good week for everyone. When Mark weighs in and has a good week he does a little dance. It is reminiscent of the gorilla dance that he did when we all used to play a DOS computer game with a gorilla that destroyed buildings by throwing bananas. I am sorry that you all aren't here to see it. It is pretty great.

Week Four: Sometimes the Tasty Cakes and Wine Win

This wasn't the finest week in our families journey to healthy lifestyles and svelte bodies. For a few of us - this week the Tasty Cakes and wine won.

Someone who shall not be named fell off the Tasty Cake wagon. To hear her tell the story she fell off the wagon in a big way. Multiple packages of cakes in a single day.

The culprit.

Sometimes life gets the best of us and we have a bad day. Or even a bad week filled with TastyKakes and wine. Life happens. Sometimes the only cure for something that ails you is drowning your sorrow in flour and sugar and following it up with several glasses of wine. The TastyKake therapy plan.

The moral of the story is one week filled with TastyKakes isn't a deal breaker. You have to get back on the healthy plan wagon. That is what makes us tough bad ass life changers. We aren't going to let slip ups define our journey. Our TastyKake enthusiast popped right back on the healthy train. You know what? My money is on her to win the whole shebang. She is one tough chick.

While eating multiple packages of sugary goodness and downing a bottle of wine is no ones definition of healthy living, I also refuse to become someone that turns my nose up at anyone who enjoys an occasional dessert. I won't become some raw food nut who lectures my friends while waving a carrot stick at them. I plan to continue to enjoy eating. It is one of my favorite things to do. Sometimes I plan to enjoy it by having a piece of cake. Don't try and get in my way. You might lose a hand.

The plan is moderation. Everyday I will make the healthiest choices that I can. Once in a Blue Moon I will choose the cake and not feel guilty about it.

This weeks weigh in was at my house again this week - but it was hosted by Becky and Jer. They made some super slammin' beef tacos in the crock pot. Have I mentioned that the crock pot might possibly be the greatest invention since the light bulb? Seriously, try these tacos. You won't be sorry.

Becky also made a low calorie S'mores pie for desert. People drooled. She replaces the graham crackers with little graham cracker pie crusts which increased the quality of this dessert by at least 52%. I mean come on - who doesn't like tiny pies.

Next week is the Super Bowl. Stay tuned to find out if we survive the land mine of delicious deep fried football themed snacks.